Review by Josh Drake
I'm not a zombie guy, nor an apes guy. While they don't seem like they are related, Planet of the Apes and every zombie movie are pretty much the same. Evil humanity fucks up causing mass extinction and some other race takes over: zombies or apes.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes was really well reviewed and almost universally liked, lulling me into a false sense of goodness. I hoped it would be good, but despite its gloss, it is still just a standard ape/zombie movie. Let's get into it...
Right away the setup is too cliche for me. Evil human capture team? Check. Evil corporation? Check. Critical misunderstandings? Check Check Check. John Lithgow? Check.
The development of a relationship between Caesar and Franco is wonderful, the only unique plot aspect of the movie. The only other bright spot is Caesar, which is an incredible mix of CGI and acting. But since it's CGI, I still can't agree that any awards should go to Andy Serkis. At least 50% of acting is in the face, and since it's a group of animators and computers making that face, Serkis can't be credited for 50% of the performance.
Back to the movie. Gotta love that everything goes wrong just because they live next to an asshole. Your average suburban family man is not going to go this apeshit (pun intended) EVERY SINGLE TIME HE"S ON SCREEN. Not to mention, wouldn't you know your next door neighbor you've lived next to for 10 years has Alzheimer's? Things like that are fairly easy to pick up on, even if you never talk to your neighbors.
And now we move on to the second set of complete assholes. Hey, Tom Felton, didn't recognize you. Kept thinking you were Devon Sawa. Oh, and now the asshole ape handler (Felton) brings in his friends? COME THE FUCK ON. Is there any attempt at originality? What am I saying, of course there isn't.
So how does the helicopter explode, but not kill the evil corporate guy nor burn the gorilla at all?
I knew there was a reason I didn't want to watch this movie. It's because it's mostly stupid and unbelievable. Humans are all pure evil, except James Franco. But let's be real, he's only not evil because he cares about Caesar. There is no proof he cares about any other ape.
Well made, well acted, completely generic, unoriginal and uninspiring. The movie makes no difficult or interesting choices. Caesar only kills by accident, purposefully stopping his army from killing cops during their escape. If he's so nice and against murder, how do the apes eventually take over the world? Could someone writing this movie please make a hard, daring choice and have Caesar be even a little bit unlikable? Or maybe make the humans a little bit likable? Life isn't black and white.
I do want to see the original Planet of the Apes now. I've only seen the 2001 remake.
First Viewing: 2+2+3+2+2 = 11