For the record, I think Michael Bay makes the worst movies in history. He's technically skilled. His movies always have great effects. But they also always have terrible dialogue. He makes movies for 12 year old boys. Boys who haven't seen enough to really know what's good.
For example, I loved Bad Boys when I saw it in the theater. In fact, I saw it twice. Unfortunately, I rewatched it on tv recently. It's not good. It's good for Michael Bay, but it's not good. There are a lot of shitty one liners, similar to a Schwarzenegger or Van Damme movie. The problem is, the actors in Bay's movies have no sense of irony. Will Smith is entirely too serious saying crap like "you forgot your boarding pass." He's actually trying to act in this moment, trying to realistically deliver a line no person would ever say.
The Rock has the exact same problem with all of Ed Harris's scenes. Of course, you also have to accept an idiotic premise, like an American general stealing a WMD and holding the nation hostage to get money for dead and disabled soldiers. If only a had a nickel for every time that's happened....
Which brings me to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. There's a 0% chance I see this in the theater. I don't want to encourage Hollywood into making more of it. But I'll suffer through it eventually, cause I love to hate some things. And I'm positive I will hate this. I thought the first one was not funny, too long, and overall boring. Somehow, they made the sequel LONGER.
Comments will contain spoilers, based on conversations with actual viewers and my perception from the commercials.
First off, the commercials make it obvious Optimus Prime will die. They show the fight in the field where he's getting beat up, then Shia Lebeouf yelling his name as if he's in peril. Thanks for ruining that plot point. The commercial also shows the Decepticons resurrecting Megatron. Not shocking, but really, what's the point of killing these things if it's that simple to bring them back? We also get plenty of terrible jokes in the commercial, courtesy of dad. Great way to start me off.
Sadly, this isn't the end of the line for negative plot turns. I found out that not only do they kill Optimus, they bring him back in the same movie! I guess that makes it okay to show me his death in the commercial, it's obviously not an important plot event, but they establish death as completely meaningless. It's now a non-event, and that's not a positive thing.
I also take offense to the inclustion of the matrix of leadership. It's a relic of the seminal, original Transformers: The Movie that I could have sworn was the inspiration for the All Spark in the first movie. Out of laziness, they've decided to use the exact same plot device. Great script work there.
I think the biggest abomination may be "the Fallen." I found out this character is Megatron's "master." Any Transformer fan knows that Megatron has no master. That's the entire point of his character. He's an evil robot that answers to no one. The stupidity here boggles my mind.
While writing this I checked the Wikipedia entry to get some plot details. Wow. I mean, really, who authorized this story? I think the world would have been better served with no plot, just two hours of robots fighting. Why even bother with that inane sequence of events? How does it make sense that Optimus Prime would be killed by Decpticons, but at the end he's able to kill the Fallen and mortally wound Megatron by himself? The Fallen could take down all of the other Dynasty of Primes, but one Optimus that wasn't strong enough to kill some regular decepticons earlier can suddenly finish the job? Not that it matters. It will only be about 5 minutes into Transformers 3 when the Fallen will be right back in there.
I don't fault people too much for liking the first Transformers. It's looks cool. Really, this one looks cool too. It's the dialogue and awful plot weighing it down. The total package isn't good enough to waste $12 and 2.5 hours.
When I finally get this one on Netflix I'll give a review based on experience. I have no problem eating my words when I'm wrong, so keep a look out if you think I'm and idiot.
Guess: 3+0+1+1+0 = 5
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The Drake
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