The Longest Yard
The movie start out pretty sweet. Burt beats his girlfriend and steals her ugly Maserati. Of course, he only goes to jail for destroying the Maserati and resisting arrest. I really can't stress enough how ugly the Maserati is. He does her a favor by dumping it in a river. Next stop for Burt is jail, where the inmates hate him for shaving points on a football game. A little hard to swallow, but people are strange when it comes to football. In jail, the warden makes Burt form a football team for a scrimmage against the warden's semi-pro team. Burt puts together a crazy crew of convicts and wackiness ensues.
At least, wackiness is supposed to ensue. I didn't find it that wacky or funny. The movie plays more like The Great Escape, with football. At least it's a step up from Victory. Maybe I didn't pay enough attention, but there aren't many laughs for me here. Are the cheap shots supposed to be funny? Or is it all in Burt's facial expressions? The dialogue isn't hilarious. So where's the funny? Someone set me straight.
That said, it's an enjoyable enough movie. I think my expectations were a little too high.
Back to the plot, Burt doesn't follow the warden's script. His team plays extremely dirty and keeps pace with the semi-pro team. In response, Green Acres threatens Burt with a homicide charge for the death of Caretaker. Burt proceeds to throw the game, feel guilty, then lead the Mean Machine to victory.
It's a little silly when Crewe starts throwing the game. While he's on the bench, 3 Mean Machine players get injured, but we don't see cheap shots or anything. Not to mention the Mean Machine defense manages to help Crew throw the game while he's not even playing. Just cause he's throwing the offense doesn't mean the defense is suddenly terrible. This is a common problem in football movies. Varsity Blues pulls the same crap when 4 players show up hungover and the entire team tanks. I can see where the QB can really mess up the offense, but no one player can make the entire team worse.
The editting and effects on Caretaker's death are poor. There's a shot of him screaming, completely devoid of fire, spliced with a body burning. It's also a rather gruesome death for a comedy. This is a comedy, right?
I had the misfortune of seeing the remake before the original, which may have inadvertently affected my opinion of the original. I only mention it because of the idiot man-child in both. The remake actually has a more plausible character. The original has a caricature of a mentally disabled person, complete with faux slack-jaw. The updates version is just dumb. I can buy just dumb over slack-jawed.
I didn't recognize the former football players in the supporting cast, but I did recognize Jaws from 007, the dad from Teen Wolf, and Eddie Albert from Green Acres. There's also the guard captain, a famous "that guy."
First Viewing: 2+2+2+2+2 = 10
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Semi-Tough North Dallas Forty |
The Drake
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