I'm going to avoid commenting on the obvious stupid things. Like the retarded size conversions. It was part of the cartoon, so I'll try and overlook it. I'll try not to complain about the stupid plot details from my last post. This review is a little like a running diary. I feel a jumbled, rambling movie deserves a jumbled, rambling review.
Acting blows. It's the same problem in every Bay movie, but that may also be because the writing is awful. There's always a group of actors that are dead serious, while another group is a bunch of jokesters. Not a single military guy is allowed a sense of humor? The resulting difference from the groups makes it feel like two different movies. It's the main reason I hate The Rock.
Why do the Autobots need humans to fight the Decepticons. Far as I could see, not a single thing the humans do actually hurts a Transformer.
Use of "punk ass" lame attempt to sound cool, and sounds like it.
I think the only thought put into this movie is "that'll look cool. throw it in." Why does Optimus drop from a plane, change mid air, then change back?
Serious miscue in the making of this movie, and the last. I can barely tell one Transformer from another. Just throwing away marketing money.
Rainn Wilson is supposed to be an Indiana Jones like college professor? Not buying it for a second. This entire sequence, pointless.
Why doesn't Sam give the piece of Allspark he found to the Autobots? And why does his girlfriend think it's a good idea to lock a Decepticon in a toolbox and take it on an airplane?
Example of awful writing: lots of crap exposition by the stereotypical government a-hole describing, IN DETAIL, where to find everything the Decepticons are looking for. There's absolutely no reason for him to say 90% of what he said. No one would say that. It's really amazing how far out of their way they went to add in the stereotypical a-hole government guy. He serves absolutely no purpose as far as the story goes.
I didn't know you could tune movie dialog with an FM radio. Bumblebee can't figure out how to talk, but he does have every film tuned to his FM radio.
The hip-hop twins aren't as annoying as I expected, except they look like Mater from Cars. Is there a single original idea in this movie, or did they just throw in bits of whatever they were watching at the time?
Someone explain to me why they drop Megatron into the ocean instead of just melting him down? And why did they start to kill/rip apart a Decepticon when they resurrect him? From what I could tell, they don't use parts or anything from the Decepticon they destroyed.
What the hell is up with the Aliens rip-off. Why would you have a race of robotic beings that are birthed from liquid pods? Just a straight rip off of the Matrix, now that I think of it.
Did I actually here Shia say "I wasn't there, so I can't comment or speculate." No one said he was there!!!! It's a like a terrible sitcom stuck in a retarded Steven Seagal movie!!!
Sure, what college campus doesn't have guys selling pot brownies, with marijuana leafs on the bag. That's not illegal. And what person doesn't act like a retard on acid after eating a pot brownie. The entire college move in sequence is 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back. I'm contemplating legal action.
Someone tell me why there's even a minute of this movie that doesn't have an Autobot or Decepticon in it. It's the only reason anyone went to the theater.
So much worse than I originally expected.
What's with the effing Green Day soundtrack?
At multiple points it seems like Bay had leftover footage from Armageddon and Pearl Harbor that he's been sitting on for years, just waiting for another movie to use it on.
Love the color film of archaelogists from 1932. Five years after color film was first developed. Sure, I bet they used color film on that.
I actually enjoyed Jetfire until the fart/parachute thing. They just had to cheapen it.
One minute, can't use a cell phone because you can be tracked, the next, John Turturro is using his cell phone, and GPS.
Couldn't come up with a better way to break the wall then to invent a fight out of nowhere between the idiot twins?
The Primes made a tomb big enough for someone to actually go into. Great way to protect something from being found.
The matrix of leadership crumbles and we don't realize that's a good thing? It's the only way to power the harvester. No harvester, no Fallen takeover.
The Fallen is a terrible name for a character. Any character.
I pretty much tuned out after they find the tomb of the Primes. Got pretty boring and the scenes were surprisingly slow.
How does the ancient robot that's been inactive for centuries know how to "bring the pain"?
Sam dying then coming back to life is stupid. Cut that crap out, we could have saved a couple of minutes. Totally worth saving that time.
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "The matrix of leadership is not found it is earned." The movie turned into an effing armed forces commercial!!!! WHO WRITES THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Not to call you a coward Megatron, but cowards live." Just terrible, terrible dialog. Who calls himself a coward AND implies his brutal, murderous boss should be a coward? This isn't Starscream. The original Starscream is a coward, but loudly declares every 5 minutes that he isn't, which feels much more real than this movie version.
I have to recant some negativity from my previous post. They give Optimus Prime more power for the final fight, so him dying then being triumphant isn't as ridiculous as I thought it would be. But he kills the Fallen and destroys the harvester way too quickly. Reminds me of Jurassic Park 3, which is also a terrible movie, when they have the T-Rex vs. the Megasaurus (or whatever) battle that lasts 30 seconds. It's basically the only reason I went to see the movie.
After finishing the movie, I'll admit enjoying parts of it, which I didn't expect. It's just too long. I didn't care about the last 40 minutes at all, even though it's when most of the fighting happens, and the climax. Bay got my attention for the last 15 minutes after the stupid death sequence with the Primes.
Fatal flaw: not one use of "The Touch" by Stan Bush.
First Viewing: 3+0+1+1+1 = 6