I'm cursed with curiosity. It's the only explanation I have for watching New Moon.
Plot: Catching up where Twilight left off, Bella and Edward are hopelessly in love, but Bella starts realizing her mortality, leading her to want to become a vampire. Edward refuses, his "brother" almost eats her when she starts bleeding, some other stuff I didn't follow happens, and Edward takes off, telling Bella it's over, forever. She doesn't take the breakup well, inexplicably goes through junkie withdrawal and hallucinations, and eventually starts bonding with Jacob, the hot Native American boy who's about to become a werewolf. When he does turn werewolf, he tells Bella they can't be together, she jumps off a cliff, not for suicide but to see the Edward hallucination, and Jacob saves her. Or something like that. The incident causes Alice, Edward's sister, to think Bella died and she returns to confirm. Edward finds out why Alice left, thinks Bella is dead, and requests the vampire kings allow him to die. His request is refused, so he has to do something against vampire rules so they'll kill him. Bella has to dash to Italy and stop him, which she does. Then the vampire kings want Bella dead because she won't become a vampire. The only way she's saved is by Alice, who has a vision that Bella will become a vampire, eventually.
If I missed any details it's because I barely paid attention. Which works in the movie's favor, as I don't hate it as much as some seem to. It's IMDB rating of 4.6 is impressively bad. I figured there would be more fans of the movie to skew the score upwards. I can't say it deserves to be sub-5. I'd give it a point higher, like a 5.6.
First off, the early parts of the movie answer many questions I had after the first movie, so it deserves some credit for that. Second, I like the look of the movie, so give it a couple of points for cinematography. I'm generally into vampire lore, so give it a point or two there. That's like 5 points right?
Unfortunately there are many bad things I managed to skim. The most glaring problem is the acting, which deserves it's own word. Terriawful? Badawful? (Send suggestions). Too many examples to count, most involving Kristen Stewart.
What's up with Bella panting and moaning when Edward dumps her? What kind of response is that? Stewart couldn't produce a couple of tears? Bella's emotional range for the entire movie goes between completely tortured to moderately tortured.
Lots to complain about other than the acting. I made a list:
1. Sickening scenes quoting Romeo and Juliet or the slow-mo intro of Edward.
2. What's up with these visions of Edward telling Bella what to do? Edward promised he'd be gone forever, then starts appearing and telling her what to do? Or am I assuming that it's all completely in her mind? The visions seems a little too pointed for that.
3. The werewolves are not at all proportional. Absurdly large. It's like watching Transformers. Silly.
4. Too many musical montage scenes. Annoying.
5. Anyone else hoping beyond all hope that Bella dies after hitting her head underwater? That just me?
6. Major problem with the plot. There's no reason Bella needs to fly to Italy to save Edward. Alice can't call them? And it takes 12 hours for Edward to be ritually killed or whatever? Cause if he had his mind set on doing something, he'd be able to do it long before Bella could arrive in Italy.
7. The final scene is terrible. "Marry me" is a cliffhanger?
Maybe I need to rethink that 4.6 rating. It could be more right than I realize. That's a decent list of terribleness.
One of the few cases where watching on DVD is probably better than the theater. I can sit and surf the internet, check on my fantasy baseball team, and not have to concentrate on the cheesy, slow melodrama in the movie. Occasionally I can look up and be moderately interested in the movie's mythology and pretty trees.
I recall the first movie having some sense of joy and fun. Completely missing from New Moon.
First Viewing: 3+1+0+2+2 = 8